Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Malaysian Police & Your Rights

The Malaysian BAR recently release a publication called Red Book: Know Your Rights.

It is a compilation of what the police can and can't do. Most of us are fortunate that we never have to deal with them to that extent but this is a must read.

CLICK HERE to download the book and spread the words to your friends.

Knowledge is Power!

Benny Ong XXX

Free International Calls

Today, I officially launched a new website and an online brand called Free Time. It will be an addition of sites to my portfolio. I would continue to add enhancements to this site from time to time.

Free Time is a service that lets you call internationally for free using your bundled cross network minutes. All you have to do is dial the access number before making your call and you are done.

This service will only work in the UK with o2 and Orange plans that have bundled cross network minutes to call for free. You will be charged regular cross network minutes if you do not have free minutes allowance. I personally use this service when I am in the UK.

This service even comes with a customer support number that you may call if you have any questions.

Hopefully after a couple of days, traffic will increase for this site and the service will receive more exposure and customers.

You may visit it at http://www.freetime.uk.tt

Please feel free to leave your comments about the site.

Thank you.

Benny Ong XXX

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Ziki.com is Not Another Friendster

After the birth of Friendster came MySpace.com, Hi5, WAYN, Zorpia, Namesdatabase and Malaysia even had it’s own Kawanster.

Well, I stumbled upon a new one I just found over someone’s blog and it is called Ziki. The reason that it is worth mentioning is because Ziki is really different as it is not a blog or a photo hosting service. Instead, it accumulates all of that together and centralizes your internet posting and activities into your Ziki profile. They will not physically store the info instead they will syndicate the content through RSS. Most web blog applications like WordPress or blogger have this. If you are not sure what RSS is, it is known as Really Simple Syndication. Do a quick search and read more about it.

You may add as many RSS feeds as you like. I choose to add my blogs rss content and have the intention to add my Flickr and Youtube content to it if works.

There were currently 1200 Zikis at the time I register and there will certainly be more Zikis in the near future. Quicky reserve your name first by registering.

Have a look at my Ziki at http://ziki.com/people/bennyong



Well, have fun and take care of yourself.

Benny Ong XXX

Monday, April 24, 2006

Problems Playing Mp4 Video

Well, I remembered sometime ago when I downloaded a movie that was in MP4 format. Although the file was playable in Windows Media Player, no video will show up and the time line will continue to go on.

I instantly remembered the time when I could not play .avi files without downloading the Divx codec. (Codec means Compress/Decompress) A Codec will allow you play files that have been compressed in a certain format that the codec was made for. This is just a simple explanation.

Well, I decided to venture in searching for the proper codec that will allow me to play my MP4 file. On the windows help page, there were numerous paid third party plug-ins that will do so. Being the typical me, I continue on searching for a free solution.

I stumbled upon numerous codec pack that will save me time for installing them one by one for each video format. The codec pack that is worth mentioning is K-Lite Codec Pack.

Here is the website description for the codec:

“K-Lite Codec Pack is a collection of codecs and related tools. Codecs are required to encode and/or decode (play) audio and video. The K-Lite Codec Pack is designed as a user-friendly solution for playing all your movie files. With the K-Lite Codec Pack you should be able to play 99% of all the movies that you download from the internet.�

The full version is over 18MB and can be quite a pain downloading from a dial up computer. However, you can opt for the two other versions which are standard and basic which it’s name implies have less codec support.

I would recommend that you install the full pack if you have enough resources on your computer. To make sure that you are able to view the MP4 video that you have downloaded, tick the mp4 support during installation as it is not selected by default. I untick the windows media player classic installation as I think it is redundant.

Click here to go to the page to download the K-Lite Codec Pack.

Well, I hope this will be able to help you with playing your Mp4 files on your computer.

Till next time, take care…

Benny Ong

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Benny Happenings: - Funny Conversation I will be taking my first MCSE exam


Funny Conversation
I will be taking my first MCSE exam on Friday but I still have not really prepared for it. I even have re-occuring nightmares about actually failing it. Well, I will try my best to finish up my studies before that. Do wish me luck for the exam. By the way, I just received this [...]

Funny Voice Messages
Well, I found this over the internet. Hopefully it will give you some inspiration to customize your voicemail. By the way, I should be studying now instead of surfing the web. “Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? you guessed it. Guess what’s next? You guessed it…” Roses [...]

Visit my official blog at http://www.bennyong.com

The Outlook Messages File

I have just bought a new PC that I reformat to my own needs.

After completing the installation, I realize that I did not back up my Outlook e-mail messages.

I found several ways to back up your Outlook messages but it requires me powering up the old machine and using the export tool to export the messages. This was something that was favourable for me as I need to unplug my newly set up PC which I spend our managing the wires so that they are neatly tucked behind my desk.

Further searching on the internet did not help as there was no proper solution or suggestion for what I wanted to do, so, I finally decided to take matters into my own hand.

Since I was already an MCP (Microsoft Certified Professional), I might as well use my good knowledge to use. Just by opening Outlook and clicking one of the option tools, I found the path to the .pst file which stores all the outlook messages but not the settings. I copied it and paste it to my current PC settings and started my Outlook and it did work. All my messages showed up including those in the sent mail folder. However, please be reminded that it does not back up your settings. There should be another file for that.

Here is the path to your outlook messages, use it wisely.

Documents and Settings\%username%\Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\Outlook\outlook.pst

If you could not find the local settings folder, go to Tools>Folder Options> View Tab > Select the Show Hidden Files and Folders. You will then see a few almost transparent files and folder appearing. Select the Local Settings folder and continue to proceed.

The file that you should copy is outlook.pst. This was done for Outlook and I believe that there should be variations to Outlook express.

Well, I hope this helps. Please feel free to drop your comments or messages.

Till next time. Take care.

Benny Ong

Friday, April 21, 2006

Microsoft Certified Professional

At around noon today, I am officially an MCP (Microsoft Certified Professional). Some of you may know that I have been taking MCSE as an interest. After about a month of delay, I finally forced myself to sit for the exams since Microsoft is offering a free 2nd Shot at the exam until June 2006. The promotional code for this is 24FREE or just go to my previous post for the link to register for it.

I registered for my exam at Prometric using the promotional code and voucher from my Microsoft press book. However, after finalizing the order, my discount did not show up and no details of the promotional code I entered were indicated. I decided to give them a call to make amendments.

Prometrics toll free line for Malaysia is 1800 183 377. The call center is open Monday – Friday. You may call this number to register, reschedule or cancel your exams. Don’t bother contacting them by e-mail as it takes ages.

I sat for the exam which is computer based and am shocked and amazed on how similar the questions are to TestKing. (TestKing is a company that produces Professional IT Certification practice test papers). There were 58 questions for me to attempt with a generous three hours time limit. I manage to finish up the whole paper and going it through once in about an hour and half. After pressing the end exam, they will ask you for comments which I left blank and the the machine will proceed to calculate your marks. A message pop up with the words congratulations, you have passed with 905 out of 1000 marks. I definitely was both happy and relieve.

This was my first prometric exam and glad I went through it. Now I am eyeing on my CCNA exam which will cost me about RM 500. Wish me luck on that!

Now, I can carry the title of MCP and add it to my CV. Muahahahaahaa!

Benny Ong XXX

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Funny Voice Messages

Well, I found this over the internet. Hopefully it will give you some inspiration to customize your voicemail. By the way, I should be studying now instead of surfing the web.

"Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? you guessed it. Guess what's next? You guessed it..."

Roses are red, violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are you
The roses have wilted, the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head
The roses stink, sorta like sheep
But leave your name, number, and message after the beep
The roses are molding, the violets are rotten
And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten

We might be in, we might be out, but leave a message and you might find out!


"Hello? ...Hello? ...Hellooo? I'm sorry, you're gonna have to speak
up, I can't hear you... That's 'cuz I'm not home! Leave a message.
BEEP."


You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone"


This call may be recorded or monitored for quality and training purposes. If you don't wish this call to be monitored or recorded, then please let the answering machine know when you leave your message.

Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.


Talk to the phone, the face ain't home, please leave a message, after the tone. BEEP!

Go away, leave me alone, please leave a message, after the tone BEEP!

These words are lovely dark and deep
But I've got promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
So leave a message at the beep.

Hey, it's ________
Sorry you can't get through
Leave your name and your number
And I'll get back to you

Sorry we’re not here to lend an ear, so leave a word and you'll be heard.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

Roses are red booger's are green please leave your message on this stupid machine .

So long as phones can ring and eyes can see, leave a message, and I'll get back to thee.

Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should die before I wake, remember to erase the tape.

A bubble in the space-time continuum has connected your line to a channeler in the 23rd Century. Any message you leave will be broadcast into the future....

A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding.

Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

Already know who you are and why you've called, please hang up after and we tell each other everything.
Andy Warhol said that one day everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Well, your 15 minutes was last week, but since you weren't ready, we gave it to Vanna White. Sorry.

As the drugs take hold, you feel you are losing your grip on reality. You begin to hallucinate. You see a telephone... The telephone is next to an answering machine... You hear a faint click and a light flashes on the answering machine... You hear a beep...

Ask not for whom the bell tolls,

Being reincarnated as an answering machine is the pits. Keep your karma clean by leaving your name, number, message, and the time that you called.

Bob here. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?

Bullwinkle Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home. Watch me pull their message out of this machine! Rocky: Again? Bullwinkle: Nuthin' up my sleeve... PRESTO! [Sound of vicious dog barking, stops abruptly.]

Bullwinkle: Must have been a wrong number. Rocky: Here's a chance for you to REALLY leave your message.
but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for but whatever you have to say to him, you can tell me. We're VERY close Bwana fella no home now, so you fella leave talkie-talk. Bwana 'im big fella mek talkie-talk back real fas'.

Can’t take your call, I'm hiding from the men in white coats. We've been playing hide'n'seek for weeks, and they still haven't found me! Tee Hee Hee! Leave a message?

C'mon... you can do it... just a little one. That's the way... just a little beep, just a little one. C'mon... good boy... here we go... like this -- beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon... There you go!

Comrades! Southwestern Front Headquarters is pleased to learn that your unit has re-established communications. The entire staff is currently busy discussing forthcoming operations with other units, but if you leave your unit name and how we may reach you, Chief of Staff Sterrett will contact you as soon as possible to discuss your concerns.

Concatenation of events preclude our coming to the phone. Please speak freely, with magniloquence upon occasion of the tone.

Dear Caller: As I'm leaving you this message, the sun is shining for a change. Little children are cavorting in the park, and their tasty mothers and teenage sisters are sunbathing practically nude. So, did you really think I was going to stick around this dump?

Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

Heaven, God speaking...

Hello! This is 1-800-PRESLEY. Yes! 1-800-PRESLEY! They say the King died 10 years ago, but we know he's still out there somewhere. So... Leave your name and number and tell us where YOU saw Elvis!

Hello, and welcome to Answering Machines of the Rich and Famous! Sam can't come to the phone right now because he's spending the week in his beautiful summer home on the French Riviera.

Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can. Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO. Bless you, my child, and have a nice day.

Hello, I'm not here right now. In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner.

Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back—only that I won't.

Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.

Hello, this is Jason's voice. Jason's not here right now -- hey, haven't you ever lost YOUR voice? Well, believe you me, when I find him again, I'll have a few choice words for him. If you do too, leave them after the beep.

Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.

Hello, this is John’s answering machine reminding you that yesterday was the last day of the previous period of your life. After the beep you can tell me how it was, or leave some other, informative message. Thanks.

Hello, this is Rip van Winkle. I'm not awake to take your call right now. Please leave your message at the sound of the snore.

Hello, this is Ron. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. [Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.] OK, what would you like me to tell me?

Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done... (Cachunk!)

Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.

Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.

Hello, this is the Brown residence. We're in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back.

Hello, this is the Computer Music Research Institute of Portland, Oregon. We can't take your call at the moment, but we would like you to leave a critique of one of our current works in progress.

BEEP Hello, this is WVKE, you're on the air.

Hello, this is your local zoo. Do you like animals? We are experiencing severe problems with hot water. Would you be so kind as to allow us to bring our elephants over to your bathroom for a shower? (The most common response: "Well, sure, but my neighbor's bathroom is bigger and better equipped to handle elephants.")

Hello, we are unable to come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number unless of course you are a salesman or trying to solicit money.

Hello, you have reached the _______ family and we can not come to the phone right now. Please leave your name, phone number, short message, social security number, and credit card number and we will call you when we're done shopping.

Hello, you have reached the _______'s residence; we cannot reach the phone right now, so please leave a message after the beep. (Then you find something that makes a beeping sound, and make the beep sound, then wait 5 seconds, until they start talking, then make another beep, and do that over and over.)

Hello, you have reached the automated answering service for (your name), your message will be answered to in the order in which it was received, your message is number 8,243, please hold, your message is important to me.

Hello, you've reached 555-1552, the Apartment at the End of the Universe. Please leave your message, name and number at the sound of the tone. Keep your hands, feet, extremities, and obscenities inside the car at all times. Enjoy your ride.

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?"

Hello. I'm David's answering machine. What are you?

Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

Hello. I'm not at home right now because I'm out making changes in my life so leave a message and if I don't call you back, you're probably one of those changes. (BEEP)

Hello. This is Mark and Nathan's phone. We're not here right now, but the phone is.

Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

Hello? (short pause) Hellooo? (Waits again) Helloooo - Who is this?

Hellooo....Hellloooo, well if you won't talk to me maybe you'll talk to this machine, it's at home and I'm not, leave a message and it'll give it to me when I return.

Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment, I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it...

Hi this is ____'s machine. My name is (pause) well that's not important. (Pause) Ya know it gets very lonely being here all day. (Pause) maybe you could stay and talk. (Pause) please talk to me after the beep, please talk to me after the beep ........... BEEP!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi this is Andrew. If you are an ex-girlfriend, suck it up and move on. If not, I do have a life that is obviously being used so leave a message and if I have time, ill try to squeeze you in.

Hi this is Sonny and Attie's machine. Medicare didn’t send us enough money this month so we are out robbing the liquor store. If this is the police we are just napping.

hi you've reached the home of (name) also known as 007 agents if you get this machine we are probably saving the world this tape will self destruct in 5...4...3...2...1... (BEEP)

Hi! I can't answer the phone right now. Bob, that's my pet parakeet, just swallowed a cherry bomb. It wasn't lit, but I've got to get him to the bathroom. Uh-oh! (Sound of a paper bag exploding.)

Hi! Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

Hi!! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right now. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party. Yeah, that's it. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the president. Yeah and the... Pope. Yeah that's it.

Hi, I am a machine. Why do you hate talking to me? I never hurt anyone. Can we talk after the beep?

Hi, I am not here right now, but if you are a friend, leave a message, if you are a creditor you can kiss my (beep)

Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

Hi, I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Jane and Bob with dark sparkling Folger's Crystals. Leave your name, number, and a brief message and they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated. See if you can tell the difference.

Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.

Hi, this is Jackie, it hurts me inside to know I missed your call...OUCH. Leave your painful message after the beep.

Hi, This is Jenny. Press 1 if you are going to ask me out, 2 if you want to apologize for something, 3 if you just called to say I am a princess, and 4 if you are going to say something else.(Will be automatically deleted!) Thanks

Hi, this is Jim. Sorry I can't take your call but I'm playing my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring. Please leave me a message and I'll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1.

Hi, this is Jim. Thanks for calling during my spring pledge drive. A basic membership is only $30, and a $60 pledge gets you an "I love Jim Shea" T-shirt. Please wait for the tone, and thank you for your pledge.

Hi, this is John's answering machine again. He's gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy's. Life sucks.

Hi, this is John's answering machine again. He's gone and left me for a sleazy microwave he met at Krazy Eddy's. Life sucks.

Hi, this is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.

Hi, this is Stephanie's answering machine. If you're the phone company asking for money, stop bugging her, she'll send it sooner or later. If you're a TV company advertising TVs, she already has a TV with every channel known to man, and several known to monkeys. If you called for any other reasons, please hang up the phone, start screaming, and run to the nearest shoe store. When you get there, ask them for a cheeseburger. (This probably won't help you, but we'll always have something to laugh about when we're bored.)

Hi, this is you know who and I'm not you know where, so please leave a

Hi, you have reached _(phone number)__ you have a chance to win one million dollars if you can answer the following 1. What is your name? 2. What is your phone number? 3. Why did you call this number?

Hi, you have reached Jerry McGuire. Show me the message! Show me the message!

Hi, you know the drill.

Hi, you've reached the home of George Ledec. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. If you are selling any product or service, or requesting charitable donations, please press 2 and hang up now. Otherwise, press 3 and leave your message now. Pressing 3 is optional.

Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye.

Hi. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.

Hi. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say?

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi. Now you say something.

Hi. This is David. I've shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I'm going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up I'll play my messages. Please leave one.

Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

Hi. This is Kevin and Diana's vacuum cleaner. Their appliances have switched jobs again, and I get to answer the phone 'cause my old job sucked. So leave a message after you hear the beep, and you can be sure it's in the bag.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...

How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this... YOW!

I am not home to talk to you, But please don't be a creep. Just leave your name and number, At the sound of the...

I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you.

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey—that's a nice phone you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep for you.

I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of 20 dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.

I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am...

I don't want to bore you with metaphysics, but how do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.

I know you're out there. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don’t know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end, I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I'm going to show them a world, without you. A world without rules and controls. Without borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there, is a choice I leave to you

I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to break the record for "the most calls missed" if its a emergency or your dieing or something, please hold on till the record is broken. And I will call you back.
If this were the best of all possible worlds, I could come to the phone right now, but I can't, so if you could leave your name and number...

If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message.
If you are hearing this tape, then I'm not here now. Please leave your name, number, D.O.B, address, social security number, age, height, weight, how many children you have, what sex you are, your mother’s maiden name, and the date and time when you called me. If you are still listening, then whatever you have to say must be very important. Please leave a message after the beep.

I'm gone.

I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.

I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person.

I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message.
I'm sorry; my answering machine is out of order. May I take a message?

I'm unable to take your call in person because I'm having an out-of-the-body experience. In fact I'm standing right behind you and I can hear everything you say. But leave me a message anyway to help me reconnect when I get back.

I'm writing the definitive work on pain. I would like you to tell me how this machine makes you feel. Remember, be honest. This is for posterity.

In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. (Heeeeee-YAH! Sound of smashing box of kleenex.) But this method doesn't work with a telephone call... (Dial tone.) Introducing the all-new Ginsu answering machine! It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices your incoming calls! How much would you pay? Don't answer, because if you leave your name and number when you hear the tone, we'll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!
is so much better & that’s why they're not here. All I can say is leave me a

Just put on a recording of a busy signal.

Kemosabe no in tipi now. You leave'um message after little smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.

Knock, knock. (Pause. Caller thinks, "Who's there?") Isn't that *my* question? (Pause.) Please leave a message...

Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am an electrical engineer. I can do that.

let the machine get it.

like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.

Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible.

Lindsey's not home now. This is his domestic droid speaking. I'm not programmed to answer the phone, so just leave a message, and Lindsey will get back to you as soon as possible .

Lucifer speaking. Who in hell do you want?

Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply.

My time is billed at $125 per hour. Please begin your message with your MasterCard or Visa number, card type, and date of expiration. I'll get back to you pending credit approval. Hi, this is Jim. Welcome to my Fun Phone Line, where you can talk to my answering machine for only $0.95 per minute! Please leave your credit card number at the tone...

Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak, his "Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72."
No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Please leave your name, phone number, the time you called, and your favorite color of underwear. We'll get back to you if we like the color.

Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 2.05. Counting down to test: 5...4...3...2...1...

Rub-a-dub-dub, Just got in the tub, Rick is out playing; the kids are misbehaving, and can't come to the phone.

Sorry, Chris and Susan aren't here right now. Please leave your name and number after the tone. If you are calling regarding an outstanding debt, please leave your message BEFORE the tone.

Starship Enterprise, Uhura here, can you hold please? -- Captain, there is a transmission coming in on hailing frequency seven, do you want it on screen?

Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.

Steve is reassembling Elvis' brain and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name...

Suicide Hotline...please hold.

Susan and I are not here right now. We're in the bathroom having some fun. She likes it up and down and I like it back and forth. Leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished brushing our teeth. Thank you.

Thank you for calling 555-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system.

Thank you for calling Santa's workshop. Santa can't come to the phone right now, and the elves are out back barbecuing Blitzen. After the tone, please leave your Christmas list, and maybe we'll get back to you!

Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG... Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.

Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible. And remember, confession doesn't count unless you confess all of your sins in vivid, graphic detail!

Thank you for calling the Metropolitan Church of the Holy Bible. Today's commandment is Number 6, Thou shalt not... er... Bear a... er... Shalt not witness thy... uh... Neighbor's ass, Oh, I mean, false... er... Shalt not commit a bear... Dern...

Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment. If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you... When hell freezes over.

Thank you for calling Uncle Tom's Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible.

Thank you for phoning the Save the Sasquatch Hotline. Our operators do not exist at the moment, but if you wish to make a contribution, please leave your name, number, and the amount of your bequest at the sound of the beep, and something will get back to you shortly. Your help will enable us to bring these delightful creatures back from the brink of fantasy and find them suitable positions in the forest product industry. Your gift is, of course, reality deductible. Thank you again, and have a nice day.

Thank you for reaching out to us. Nobody is home now. However, if you leave a message, we'll reach out and touch you.

Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible.

Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange... mother...unicorn...computer. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.

The machine answering this message is connected to a 5000 volt power supply, and a relay which is wired to this small kitten. (Sound of a kitten meowing.) If you hang up before you leave a message, it will complete the circuit and fry the kitty. The choice is YOURS!

The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.

These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number.

These words are lovely dark and deep, but I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep, so leave a message at the beep.

This answering machine message is for all you psychics out there... (Long silence...) BEEP

This is 321-1234, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria. It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message though.

This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.

This is Alan. Leave me a message and tell me what I can do to... I mean, do FOR you.

This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.

This is Dr. Ruth, Sexually Speaking, you're on the air...

This is Fred. We are not... excuse me a moment, please. Put your sister down. PUT YOUR SISTER DOWN! (Sound of window breaking.) Great! What a mess. I'll have to get back to you later.

This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
This is the Literacy Self Test Hotline. After the tone, leave your name and number, and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is "supercilious".

This is the Metropolitan Opera Amateur Audition Hotline. After the tone, sing "Vesti la Giubba" and "La Donna e Mobile."

This is the National Security Emergency Password Notification Network. To initiate destruct sequence, call the CIA with today's password. Today's password is "baby booties."

This is you-know-who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.

Tim's dead! And God only knows where Lisa is! Fortunately resurrections and divine revelations do tend to occur from time to time, so leave a message and we'll let you know when the next miracle occurs.
to get away from you!"

Vancouver Coast Guard, may I help you. (Caller thinks they dialed long distance.)

voice synth software, that way, it sounds even more like

WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But we're not home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll assimilate you later.

We can't get to the phone right now because we were killed in the earthquake. Tragic, isn't it? But, leave a message anyway, someone is sure to get it eventually.

Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does...

We're not in cause we're out LOOTING! Leave a message and we'll call you back and tell you what we got.

We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

Yo. I ain't here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I'll get back... (Sniff, sniff...) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells good.

You are listening to 91.5 FM, KXQK. This is the Canadian Broadcorping Castration. I am your host, Fred, and I will be with you for the next 20 seconds. After that we'll play your requests. Leave yours with us, and we'll try to fit it in, given programming constraints. Thank you for listening to our show.

You have reached 555-1234. This is an answering machine. This is the nineties. You know what to do.

You have reached 555-2435. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to

leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.

You have reached 843-4734. Please hold while I process your call. (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers.

None of our staff is authorized to speak with you except for Fred, who is not here right now. Please leave your name phone number and a brief message at the tone. Thank you for calling and have a nice day.

You have reached our secret underground hideaway. I'm afraid we're all out just now on a desperate mission to save the Planet from boring answering machine messages, but if you know what The Shredder has done to April O'Neill, or if you know where he is, or if you can think of a decent pizza recipe, just leave your name and number and we'll ring you right back. But don't say anything yet! Enemy agents may be listening. When the computer has checked they're not eavesdropping, it will make a bleeping noise and you can speak freely.

You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

You have reached the offices of the planet Zarton. All our agents are busy undermining the governments of the Earth and cannot come to phone at the moment. However, your name and number can be left at the tone and a representative will gladly contact you shortly to arrange for your assimilation into the new order. Long groblint the ultimate blenstron.

You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility. We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can. And have a nice day.

You have reached the Suicide Prevention Hotline. All our lines are busy now, but if you leave your name and number, someone will get back to you as soon as possible.

you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean,

You just dialed into the North American Air Defense Contract Center. Stand by at the tone to give coordinates and destination of incoming bogey. TNR Surveillance will scramble. If you do not respond, this unit will assume incoming, non-urgent.

You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...

You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message.

You've called our number, but we don't care. If we did, we'd be here. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll call u back, when your not home.

You've reached the B&D Hotline. All our operators are tied up right now, so if you leave a name, number, a list of transgressions, and bark like a dog, we'll get right back to you with your penance.

(Classical music:) This is our answering machine. (Switch to heavy metal racket:) This is our answering machine on drugs. (Silence...) Any message?

(Demented, screechy voice; occasional background screams:) Hello. Thank you for calling Last Straw Chiropractic. (Raspy gasp.) We can't come to the phone right now because we're making a couple of adjustments. (Break a few small twigs; big scream.) Please leave your name and number and we'll get back to you as soon as it is humanly possible. Thank you very much.

(Drawling granny voice:) Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a message. Thanks a lot.

(Frantic violin music:) Hello. You have reached 555-3949. We are currently unable to answer because we are either chasing, or being chased by, bats. Please leave a message.

(French monologue in the background:) Around the world today, millions still speak French as either a first or second language. But with your continued support and help, we can wipe out French in our lifetime. Please leave a message in English at the tone, and remember, if someone tries to speak French to you, just say, "non".
(From Japanese friend): He-lo! This is Sa-to, If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy" message I call sooner!

(Gregorian chants in background; serene voice:) Hello, Brother or Sister. You have reached the Cubicles of Curtis, Chris, and Jim. We are at Vespers and therefore answering other calls, but if you will leave your name, number, and a brief message, we will consider breaking our vow of silence to return your call. Please speak loudly, clearly, and in tongues.

(Imitating Mr. Rogers:) Hello. I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone. Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone? Sure... I knew you could.

(In a good Australian accent:) G'day mate. Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you.

(In British voice) Hello! I'll be eating lunch on my yacht, but I might be able to clear my schedule if you’d like to do something.... leave me a pleasant message after the beep.

(In Joe Friday voice:) This is Constable Augie of the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service. The phone line you have just dialed is currently under investigation on a warrant issued by the Attorney General of Canada. To facilitate our investigation, we would appreciate you leaving your name, number, a brief message, and any affiliations you may have made now, or in the past, with communist or terrorist organizations. Thank you.
(In the background can be heard springs creaking and various moans; husky, soft female voice is best:) Hi...

You've just reached Sharon's Pleasure Palace. We're all busy as I'm sure you can tell, but when we're done... we'll get back to you in whatever way we can.

(Italian Mafia-style voice:) I can't come to the phone right now. Me and Guido are trying to stuff a body in the trunk. I think we're going to have to size it a little... (Aside:) HEY GUIDO! GET THE CHAINSAW! Anyways, leave your name and a message. If I like it, you'll hear from me. If not, you'll hear from Guido! (Laughter.)

(Jack Webb voice:) This is the city. Lambertville, New Jersey. I work here. I carry a tune. I was changing my name to protect my innocence when I got a call about a 411. It sounded like good information to me. But I needed more. A name and a number. So leave yours and I'll return your call. Or I can send you a FAX. Nothing but the FAX, ma'am. (Hum the "Dragnet" theme...)

(Jimmy Buffett's "This Hotel Room:") "I ain't home, I ain't home, you better leave a message 'cause I ain't home."
(Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":) Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached... (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.

(Klingon voice:) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.

(Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner. Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD! Leave a name and number and IF we decide to resurrect him, he'll call you back.

(Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:) Hello! Due to the breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave your name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins.

(Militaristic mechanical voice:) FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW. THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES.

(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

(Noble, aristocratic voice:) Yes, one million dollars COULD be yours, IF you leave your name, telephone number, and the reason WHY you want to join the ranks of The Rich and Famous! If this is Ross Perot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, or Princess Di, just leave your VISA number and expiration date, and we will definitely get back to you!

(Noisy pick-up of phone.) Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?

(Ominous electronic background music:) In honor of Halloween, I'm about to perform an unspeakable pagan ritual. So please leave a message. Unless you're a virgin, in which case, why don't you stop by? SINT MIHI DEI ACHERONTIS PROPITII...

(Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter":) Hi, you've reached Hell. (Screams in the background.) We're busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at the end of time.

(or)

(Pink Floyd's "Nobody Home":) You have reached 555-8783. Please leave a message. ("Ohhhhhhhhh, babe... When I pick up the phone... There's still... Nobody home.")

(Rod Serling imitation:) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device... You have reached, "The Twilight Phone".

(Sinister organ music:) Hello, you have reached the Brown residence. You now have two choices. Number one, you may leave a message. (Angelic "Hallelujah!") Or number two, suffer eternal damnation. (Horrid death scream.) You decide.

(Stoned, slow voice:) Hey brother, you have reached the Narcotics Information Hotline. None of us can answer the phone right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists. Leave a message.

(Sultry female voice:) Welcome to Susan's Message Parlor of Delights. We would be delighted if you would leave your name, number, and of course a message that doesn't rub us the wrong way...

(Theme from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in the background:) You've reached the residence of John and Tom. We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator. Please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you.

(Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Presents:) Good evening. I'm sorry, but Steve can't come to the phone now, as he's quite tied up. (Sounds of struggle in background, and voice heard through a gag.) I should know. I tied him up. But leave your name and number, and he'll return your call if he manages to get free. And speaking of things that are not free, we now have this word from our sponsor...

(Thug voice:) Uh, hello, Mike and Brian aren't here right now. They've been kidnapped! So at the beep, leave your name, your number, your message, and ten thousand dollars in a brown paper bag.

(To scare off annoying liberals:) Hello, and thank you for calling the Bush in 50 Campaign. Your five dollar donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically be charged to your phone bill. If you would like to leave a message... (To the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel" with appropriate music:) I just left home baby, I'll be out fer a spell, and if you don't leave a message baby, you can go to BEEP

(To the tune of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana:) Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, No one's here, No one's home, Leave a message, At the tone. Don't feel stupid, Its no big fuss, Leave a message, You can reach us.

(US National Anthem; Ronald Reagan voice:) Uhh, hello... I'm, uhhh, ohhhhhh... (Pause.) Well, anyway, I'm here to answer the telephone on behalf of... erm... uhhhh... ermmm... (Pause.) I mean, he can't come to talk to you right now, but if you leave a message after the, umm oh, the uhhhh... the uhhhhhh... BEEP.

(Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP.

(Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and noisy pets; to the tune of "Frere Jacques":) We're not here now, We're not here now, Don't hang up, Don't hang up, Leave your name and number, Leave your name and number, We'll call back, We'll call back.

(With loud music playing in the background) "Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What?

(With strong east Indian accent:) Hello, you have reached the existential hotline of Ransheesh. I am currently meditating, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the Om, I will send good karma waves and contact you when the stars align properly.

(Woman, seductively:) Hi, I'm Linda. You know, it can be really lonely when you're a fashion model. Sometimes I just have to... (Interrupting:) Oh come on Linda, give me the damn phone... (Ask them to leave a message.)

[Classical music in background, slow stoned voice] Don't you ever wonder what life would be like? ...

[Deadpan voice] Hi, This is Dave. Please leave a message as soon as possible and I'll get back to you at the sound of the tone.

[Drunken voice] You have reached Bob's hotline. We are not able to respond due to uninevitable circumcisions. But if you leave your name and noomber, we won't be in wonder... pa-a-a-a!

[In a bored voice] Heaven, God speaking...

[in a computer generated voice] Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.

[in a computer generated voice] Leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message after you hear the beep, and we will keep track of this stuff until the real people get back.

[Lots of phone pick-up noise] Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number, I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?

[Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice] Hello, this is the executioner. Joe can't come to the phone right now because he's DEAD! Leave a name and number and IF we decide to resurrect him, he'll call you back.

[Must have good Australian accent] G'day mate. Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you.

[Note the spelling in this one!] After the tone, please leave a massage—my shoulders really could use it, and... What? You're only supposed to leave a MESSAGE? Darn....

[Star Trek theme in the background] [Voice 1] Room 17, the final frontier. [Voice 2] These are the messages of Chad's answering machine. Its two-semester mission: To seek out your name and your telephone number. [Voice 3] To boldly inform you to wait for the tone.

[Very fast] Hi, this is 555-5555. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number, please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP.

[Voice 1] Answer the phone, please, Hal. [Voice 2] I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.

Have Fun!

Benny XXX

Benny Update: - Japanese Toilet Ad Aw… I want one of those….Not the


Japanese Toilet Ad
Aw… I want one of those….Not the toilet seat, either the chicken or the frog…. Benny XXX

Funny Conversation
I will be taking my first MCSE exam on Friday but I still have not really prepared for it. I even have re-occuring nightmares about actually failing it. Well, I will try my best to finish up my studies before that. Do wish me luck for the exam. By the way, I just received this [...]

Visit my official blog at http://www.bennyong.com

Monday, April 17, 2006

Funny Conversation

I will be taking my first MCSE exam on Friday but I still have not really prepared for it. I even have re-occuring nightmares about actually failing it. Well, I will try my best to finish up my studies before that. Do wish me luck for the exam.

By the way, I just received this e-mail from my sister. It is funny and managed to cheer me up at times of stress. Enjoy!

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But
what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan
was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is
being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the
hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no
one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn' t an urgent matter! You may find this
hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Disclaimer: No hard feelings if so happen you have the same name above as this is meant to be fictitious with no intention to hurt Annie Wan.

If it did manage to put a smile on your face, then share it. Copy and forward it to your friends or put it on your blog. That's all folks. Take care....

Benny Ong XXX

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Lordi - Blood Red Sandman

This is a cool video worth sharing from a European band called Lordi. I was first introduced to this band on soscili.com videos page when I saw this same exact cool video. Apparently, the band will be representing their country in Eurovision this year. Good luck then. I am pretty sure this video will be a hit on MTV and Channel V once it is aired. In the meantime, enjoy this video.




Benny Ong XXX

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Benny Happenings: - Sleeping Doggy Style A Video Of My Dog Sleeping for


Sleeping Doggy Style
A Video Of My Dog Sleeping for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy… Benny Ong XXX

Mega Site Project
This is my first ever blog post from a remote location. Well, I am at my MCSE module 3 class. As you might know, I will be taking the exams shortly. Do wish me luck on it. Today, I have finally completed my mega site construction of Velocityspark.com. It boasts over 30,000 pages of information [...]

Visit my official blog at http://www.bennyong.com

Friday, April 14, 2006

Mega Site Project

This is my first ever blog post from a remote location. Well, I am at my MCSE module 3 class. As you might know, I will be taking the exams shortly. Do wish me luck on it.

Today, I have finally completed my mega site construction of Velocityspark.com. It boasts over 30,000 pages of information of almost 150 topics. Visit it at http://www.velocityspark.com. It may not have the best design but it took three full days to upload. I will spend the next few weeks redesigning the pages and promoting it. I have huge expectations on this site. I will update you with the results in the near future. Send me your feedback about the site.

Benny Ong

English + Chinese

I just received this e-mail a couple of minutes ago and I believe that it is worth sharing.

Have fun reading !!

You might like this. This is hilarious... even an Englishman could not construct sentences using numeric, which is exclusive only to Malaysians and S ingaporeans.

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with... 1 day I go 2 climb up a 3 outside a house to peep. But
the couple saw me, so I panic and 4 down. The man rush out and wanted to 5 with me. I ru n until I fall 6 and throw up. So I go into 7 eleven and grab some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab him. 10 God he run away. So, I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day, I call my boss and say I am 6 . He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asks me to climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand, I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.


Did it manage to put a smile in your face. Well, just copy it and paste it on your blog or e-mail it to a friend.

Take care....

Benny Ong XXX

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Benny Happenings: - Shakira Mania Well, I just had the Shakira fever once


Shakira Mania
Well, I just had the Shakira fever once again. I was doing some housekeeping on my PC and stumbled upon some Shakira videos. It is not her videoclips though. It is mostly her advertisments for Pepsi. I have decided to delete them but before that I should share it on the internet. So, here they [...]

Visit my official blog at http://www.bennyong.com

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Japanese Toilet Ad




Aw... I want one of those....Not the toilet seat, either the chicken or the frog....

Benny XXX

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Benny Ong

Greetings everyone,

First of all, thank you for visiting my blogspot blog. For your information, we have moved to http://www.bennyong.com. Click here to go to my new blog!

Benny Ong XXX

Monday, April 10, 2006

Vote For Me

After seeing countless of ads on MTV about the upcoming Asia Awards in Bangkok, Thailand, I decided to give their website a visit. They were giving out all expense paid trip and other cool merchandise as prizes to encourage viewers to vote. Since I have nothing to lose, I voted and when I was about to leave, I finally read the flash banner that says Haeir Superstar Search. Being curious, I decided to click on it and landed on page full of pictures of people with somewhat cute and disgusting poses. (Some still believe they are Japanese Manga characters) Those are the pictures of contestants wishing to be a part of the show. Yup, prizes like entrance tickets to the Asia Awards were once again up for grabs. Plus, there were a guaranteed gift for filling up the survey. Once again, I registered, fill up the survey and uploaded the funniest pose I believe I have done. I have more obscene pictures that might be offending which I had to stop myself from posting although it was tempting. The posted picture is the same picture as the website header of me in a cap and an abacus. I even had to write a short description which I title “Math Genius� (see the pic to understand the theme) as follow:

“I just discovered about this contest after voting for my favorite acts and did not realize that I will be asking for people’s vote minutes later. It has always been a dream of mine to attend MTV Asia Awards acting as an ambassador for Malaysian Music and I hope I will be worthy of your vote. Thank you for viewing my picture and your interest. Do take care of yourself and see you at the awards show if I win and if you’ve got the tickets.�

The trick now is to convince as many people to vote for me which will contribute 50% to my selection of winning a prize. I am of course aiming for the all expense paid trip or I will be content with the Haier 37 inch LCD TV. Enough said, the reason that I am posting this is to ask for your votes buddies. Put in your entry as it closes on 23rd April and message me and I will vote for you. The links are all below:

Click Here To Vote For Me

MTV Asia Awards Website

Haier Superstar Search

Thanks and take care.

Benny Ong XXX

Saturday, April 08, 2006

I Am Still Alive

Well, it has been a while since I really sat down and write a proper post. The reason is that I have been busy experimenting on several online projects (just an excuse). One of them involves messing around with a couple of blogs to get more hits for all of my sites. I have set a few targets like generating more visits to my whole network of sites and even redesigning some.

One of my new implementation is to have adsense featured on most pages. However, there are some sites which I can do so because of professionalism. For example, I can't have a web hosting company website that advertises competitors service.

Enough said about my online projects. Well, I went to Giant Bayan Baru just now and was surprised to see them having three troleys filled up with equal amount of products purchased from three different stores which were Giant themselves, Tesco and Carrefour. They enlarged the receipts of each purchases with an emphasis on the total price. Giant obviously sum up to be the cheapest with roughly about RM 60 (if I remembered right) of savings compared to Tesco which turned out to be the most expensive. Is good to see such healthy competition going on that will benefit the consumers. When will they actually have TV ads for it I wonder.

I will be getting a new PC tomorrow from the Penang PC Fair at PISA. It will be a tight month for me after that purchase because I still have my bills and car loan to pay. Hopefully, I will get through it.

Well, can't wait to go bargaining tomorrow.

Till next time, take care...

Benny Ong XXX

P/S: By the way, I just launched a new blog called Malaysia Top News.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Sleeping Doggy Style

A Video Of My Dog Sleeping for your viewing pleasure.



Enjoy...

Benny Ong XXX

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Online Casino

I have always wanted to start an online casino and since I currently have the resources and some spare time to do so, I am in the process of getting it done. Once completed, it will be in several languages.

The website is http://www.ultimatewealthcorner.com

The site will also be full of online documentations and I am aiming at over 300 pages of casino related articles.

Wish me luck on that k.

Feel free to consult me if you have any interesting web ideas or businesses that you wish to put online.

Till the next time. Take care.

Benny Ong XXX

Monday, April 03, 2006

New Guestbook Installed

Finally, I have a new guestbook installed using the cool tool provided for free with hostonfire.com's web hosting account. It allows you to install scripts without any programming knowledge with a few simple clicks. The whole blog was installed using the free tool and you can easily install galleries, message board, classifieds and more. Hosting prices starts from as low a $4.99/mth.

Back to my site for now, feel free to sign my brand new cool guestbook at http://www.bennyong.com/guestbook . No ads please and watch your language while you are posting as well. ; )

I am looking forward to reading your posts and thanks in advance.

Have A Nice Day!

Benny Ong XXX

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Shakira Mania

Well, I just had the Shakira fever once again. I was doing some housekeeping on my PC and stumbled upon some Shakira videos. It is not her videoclips though. It is mostly her advertisments for Pepsi. I have decided to delete them but before that I should share it on the internet. So, here they are.... Enjoy....



Shakira Pepsi Advertisment (2001)




Shakira Pepsi Advertisment 2




Shakira Nokia Commercial




Shakira Pepsi Advertisment 2003





Shakira 2003 Reebok Commercial

Benny Ong